Primavera Sound 2010

Primavera Sound is Barcelona-based music festival which attracts a healthy crowd of around 70,000 hipsters. Actually scratch that, I was there so make that 69,999. The event, which is split into three days of performances, provides a diverse range of artists and acts, many of which return to play in later years. With easy transport links to the festival and an idyllic setting next to that blue thing called the sea, Primavera Sound can quite comfortably stick its fingers up to most of our dreary UK equivalents.

day one

The first day of the festival (Thurs 27 Mar) offered some great acts to get the crowd in the mood for the weekend. First on the Pitchfork stage, Surfer Blood, set the tone with their blend of sun-drenched indie rock. Reflecting a great spirit and attitude this band sailed through a collection of tracks off their recently released LP Astro Coast, before treating the audience to fan favourite 'Swim'. Rather than let the attention go to their heads the band quite humorously described the track as 'the poker face of astro coast', highlighting their fun and relaxed approach to their music.


The next band to kick things off, Titus Andronicus, approached the task in a whole different way. These grizzled New Jersey rockers, complete with baggy t-shirts and beards, did nothing short of blow the crowd away with their visceral, distorted anthems. Riding on the success of their critically acclaimed album The Monitor, the band seemed chock-filled with energy and ready to explode just moments into the set. One of the few tracks which didn't open with a bludgeon to the ears, No Future Part Three: Escape From No Future (phew), lulled listeners into a momentary daze, but then you guessed it, suddenly went really loud! Yeah! The track's chanted refrain 'you'll always be a loser' had to be one of the highlights of the day as no one could resist its simplistic charm. Sheer fist pumping bliss.

Next up was The xx, they were shit so I'm not going to waste my breath (or keyboard fatigue) writing about them. Fruitless, dry, quite possibly stoned, drivel. And that's coming from someone who liked their album.


Broken Social Scene cleaned up any feces left behind by The xx's bassist (Malfoy from Harry Potter) and managed to be both epic and confusing at the same time. Which one's the bassist? Where did his guitar go? How is he singing one part and playing the harmonica with his feet? Did that guy just teleport in? Joking aside this supergroup managed to make all of these arrangements appear seamless and played to such a high standard I'd probably guilt-vomit if I criticised them in any way. As for their music well it ranges a fair bit when there's a surplus of six members playing at any one time. Indie rock? Baroque pop? Kind of I suppose. All I do know is that the uplifting trundle of Texico Bitches through to the breezy harmonies of World Sick had us all collectively enthralled.

Soon came the time for festival biggies Pavement to slur about haircuts and the like. Having not given Pavement extensive listening privileges (that honour is reserved for Paramore), I was intrigued to see what all the fuss was about. Knowing only one particular lyric well - NO BIG HAIR - I was slightly miffed that it was unleashed as I was walking into the crowd. After not hearing much at all the decision was made to go and check out Sleigh Bells. Sorry Pavement, I appreciate your influence n' all but the hipster cred wasn't worth it.


Sleigh Bells. Hmm. Sound like the name of a band so incredibly loud you have to keep sticking your finger in your ears to check they are not bleeding? Didn't think so. Well despite their awful name Sleigh Bells are a brutal 2-piece comprised of ex Poison The Well guitarist Derek E. Miller and former teen pop princess Alexis Krauss. Surprisingly the combination works and their NOISY noise pop set was no doubt one of the most relentless performances of the evening. The edgy grunt of Infinity Guitars was just one of the highlights, with Krauss's vocals managing to soar over Miller's guitar without ever getting lost or breaking up. With other crowd pleasers such as A/B Machines riling up even the most unlikely fans, this music was loud, obnoxious and well...freaking awesome.

Last but not least were Delorean (on the Pitchfork stage anyway). Being from Barcelona themselves it was nice to see the band relatively high up on the roster. Now it is physically impossible to talk about this band without using the words 'sun', 'dance' or 'beach', but I'll try. Admittedly whilst I have listened to these guys a fair bit I don't have a very firm grasp on their latest release Subiza. And as so often happens when you go and see a band which has recently made an album, they urm...play it. Thankfully the foot stomping Deli was handed to me very early on and I could ride on the euphoria of that experience for quite some time. Now I'd be lying if said I didn't recognise Stay Close, the first track off the new LP and that again washed over me in the hazy way that Delorean tracks often do. If you like swirly, summery music reminiscent of early 90s dance then these guys are a must. Perfect for dancing on the beach to in the sun. See what I did there?

Stumbled across this little clip and realised how dumb it was to cry at the Lost finale!

Somebody throttle that flamingo, Flowers is back!

The Killers are on hiatus. If that statement didn't make you want to pump your fist in the air and shout 'yes', then you should probably leave now. That's it take your Mr Brightside tee and be gone foul demon. Anyway the problem for us normal people is that the band's singer Brandon Flowers has decided to disgrace our planet further by releasing a solo record named after a gregarious wading bird in the genus Phoenicopterus (wiki win). Whilst for the average joe (who spends most of his time wading through WKD at his local nightclub) this a good thing, those of us with taste must unite to stamp out this dark threat.

What really bugged me about The Killers in general is that the band managed to float along on fairly small roster of 'hits' (anagram: shit). In my opinion the songs transcended the band - case in point, 'Mr Brightside'. As you will all know this is a song you simply cannot escape on a night out, no matter where you are and no matter how many guns you are holding to the DJ's wooden head. It is the bread and butter of any 'indie' club night and essentially the chav's much loved national anthem. What's more the lyrics are absolute tripe, e.g. 'Gotta be down because I want it all'. Not only do I get the impression that Flowers will happily shove any old word in to fit his melodies, I've witnessed many people reciting these lines as if they are gospel. Seriously, the warm glow of dedication beaming off these idiots' faces is sickening. And don't get me started on the dance routines ('open up my eager eyes' gets them particularly animated).

So what can we expect from Flowers on this solo album? Well not another Hot Fuss, that's for sure. The last Killers' penned studio album was the nonsensical Day and Age, another example of an 'indie' group going all electronic on us in dismal effort to remain relevant. However, despite my displeasure the album went Platinum and sold like a bergillian anderson copies. Unfortunately I can't disprove this or chuckle about the album plummeting into obscurity, but in my honest opinion The Killers could have released a collection of auto-tuned farts and still achieved the same level of success. Take for example lead single 'Human'. Again this track was filled with infuriating lyrics which made no sense - main offender: 'Are we human or are we dancer?' Shouldn't that be plural you moustache-faced prick?

Steer clear people!

The single worst video review I have ever seen

Riddle me this. If you're the web editor of a well established publication such as The Times, why would you ever want to commission a web review as hideously wank as this puddle of ass juice? For one the word 'review' is more than misleading - it is as much a review as granite is a lubricant - but the sheer stench of the commentary is what really makes this one of the poorest 4minutes of tripe I have ever laid eyes on.

I can see how this looked on paper, two fans of the Street Fighter series clash fists in order to win a copy of the game and then discuss it in an effort shed light on its pros and cons. Unfortunately this 'show down' between the two supposed veterans (who were thankfully hung shortly after filming) ends up being about as titillating as footage of Gordon Brown getting freaky with Peter Mandelson. Not only is the commentary needlessly painful: 'the tramps in the background don't seem to be paying much attention', but at no point in the clip does the viewer get any real insight into the game. If I really wanted to know what two twats thought of the latest games, I'd go down to the local CEX wearing a 1UP t-shirt and start making derogatory remarks regarding the size of Kratos's wang.

What's funnier, the bloke who didn't win the game doesn't show any sign of remorse or disappointment, he simply reminds his host that the game only costs £25. Yeah that's right, he doesn't even want your piece of shit prize you gormless fucking twat! Christ why does he get to be a technology editor? I could wear glasses and make really shit video packages. Damn.

/jealous

Glee and Gaga fan Gordon Brown calls for 6 Music to be saved

(best headline ever)

How Kick Ass kicked my ass and why you shouldn't watch the trailer.

Saw Kick Ass last night and god was I blown away! I mean globlets of pure joy were literally oozing into my brain causing me to violently shake with mirth. To say it's violent would be an understatement. To say it's HOLY CRAP FREAKIN' AWESOME, well that would be more accurate, so let's roll with that.

Now after seeing the trailer I was less than impressed. The whole thing screamed Superbad with spandex, which was obviously reinforced by the inclusion of that goofasaurus Chris Mintz-Plasse - you know the gimpy guy who goes by the name of 'McLovin' in that very same movie. Not really what I was expecting after seeing endless articles and posts about the movie online and discovering that it was based on a 2008 Marvel comic series. What's more the trailer depicted very little violence and ended up resembling some tame family-orientated, Spy Kids-esque abomination.

Without giving too much away, let's just say that this movie makes Watchmen look like a Disney picture, so don't expect a tiresome teen comedy with a couple of breezy action sequences, limbs are severed, C-bombs are dropped and henchmen are microwaved alive. Ok, so it's all delivered in a stylised and humorous way, but yeah things just got dark up in comic book land. Hit Girl for example (cutesy 11 year-old with purple wig), is done no justice in the trailer. Her line in the particular version I watched 'so you wanna play', is one of the few she spouts without the words 'fuck', 'cunt' or 'douche' in it. Basically if Chuck Norris jizzed in his own cap and had Uma Thurman sit on it, the end result would be Hit Girl.


And if a obscenity spewing little kid with a wig doesn't do it for you, her pops played by Nick Cage should have you chundering popcorn as you try to hold down large chunks of merriment. Yeah so Cage is a shit actor, we know, but he actually suits the role of the damaged-single-dad raising homicidal-underling well. The two share some great scenes (of which I won't spoil) and his Adam Westy delivery adds to the comedic feel brilliantly.

As for the main character, Dave, played by Aaron Johnson, he comprises of everything a leading kid in one of these movies needs to - he's geeky, he's aspirational and most of all he just wants to get laid. I feel you brother... Yeah so he's a shit super hero, with a shit name and shit resources but god does he try hard to get the job done. It's difficult not to give kudos to this stinking failure of a human being as he rarely tires of his quest, despite being shat on by everybody within a 2 mile radius.

All in all Kick Ass kicks buttocks/posteriors/everything/your mum.

Now to make some sweeping statements.

Kick Ass is like Tarrantino doing Marvel only better.

Kick Ass features some of the best action scenes to hit the silver screen in the last ten years.

Kick Ass features several of the best comedic scenes I have seen in the past five years.

Kick Ass's choreography will make you go 'ooo' and 'ahh'.

END

P.S. I'm that into it that I just went out and brought the graphic novel.

Urrr...what?