Viva Forever or just the 90s?

What is it with the Spice Girls? They should just put a lid on that can o' worms and be done with it all. Yeah I get it the 90s happened, but I seriously can't take any more talk of 'girl power'. Just typing that phrase makes me cringe. G-i-r-l p-o-w-e-r egh! What did it even fucking mean? Wait, don't answer that. I'm not sure how the news of a Spice Girls musical can interest anybody, but inevitably it will because the world hates me and loves nostalgia.

It's amazing that a person could have the audacity to squeeze more money out of a franchise that has already made a zillion pounds. Then again Simon Fuller, the brains behind this operation, is not so much a person as a money gobbling demon hired by Satan to continuously repackage the same shit and sell it to those stupid enough to pay through the teeth for it. If you didn't know, Fuller managed the Spice Girls during their most popular period, before they decided to go it alone. During this peak the girls were everywhere and enjoyed sponsorship deals with every brand worth their salt. This no doubt helped Fuller amass a small fortune, but tension between him and the group led to his firing a little further down the line.


Ironically, once the girls were on their own their success took a turn for the worse. Yeah turns out there wasn't so much girl power floating about once they had no one to make all the difficult corporate decisions. And let's not forget the dismal solo careers and other ill-fated projects. Of course it's unlikely that this musical which 'isn't a tribute' will portray the girls in a negative light. The problem with nostalgia is that it's always blurred and laced with gold. The Spice Girls musical will most likely tell the tale of five hard working girls who shot to fame and inspired the world. And there would be some truth in this, but not enough to prevent it from becoming one big fat cliché.

So before you go digging up that union jack dress and those gaudy heels take a minute to consider the futility of it all and maybe, just maybe, you'll leave your inner 9yr-old girl in the closet where she belongs.